>I went to mass this morning, as is my wont to do, and for a change sat in the balcony. It’s an entirely different experience up there. The only people there today were the lady hermit, a lady retreatant, and me. Down in the church the plastic chairs were nearly full. A lot of people are there this week. Or, perhaps I should say that the people on retreat this week are people who get up early and go to mass.
Solitary tendencies in me make me aware of the risks and benefits of more closely aligning myself with God, in a life more withdrawn from the world. As that call works its way through it kicks up, so to speak, all the issues that stand between me and a full love of God. The realization that I love some physical thing or action, more than I love God. When occasion to sin rises it is always based in the physical world. So every sin I commit is based upon loving creation more than the creator.
That is disordered, and I do not believe I am the only person who suffers from that disorder. I wish to explore further in the hermitic life. That article will list the personality traits needed for true solitary life. I am none of those things, but that hasn’t stopped this call to look further into the solitary life.
This is confusing, how can I be called into something for which I have not one whit of personality trait to succeed? As a Christian I can only say that it is from God that grace must flow to bring this to completion in me.